Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Back from Thanksgiving

Whoever took this picture for Reuters owes me money. Look at it. I'm irresponsibily hot in it, and I'm sure they're making a killing off advertising next to me. Where's my lawyer these days?

On to other news, my entire staff took Thanksgiving off, so we've got craploads of stuff to cover.

Fortunately, Hobbitbuddy remembered me on the feasting day:

Happy Thanksgiving to Bandit from your chef!I hope you enjoyed the bamburkey, sweet potatoes, carrots, and apple/bamboo crisp I sent for your very first Thanksgiving. I trust your Mom enjoyed the case of beer. Love, Hobbitbuddy

Yeah it was the coolest dinner I ever had. Mom kept trying to steal my bamburky but I threw a sweet potato in her beer and so that kept her occupied for the next three hours trying to get it out. Oh yeah she loved the beer (but then, was there any doubt?).

She also had this to say:

Bandit,The last few nights I've watched you on Pandacam, it looks like you're trying to tunnel under the jail (oops...I mean den) door. Are you planning an escape? If you are, I recommend you watch The Great Escape, The Dirty Dozen, and the entire first season DVD of Hogan's Heroes. They'll give you plenty of tips on how to break out of the zoo.By the way, if you ran, I'd vote for you for prez. The current one is a real clownmunch.

I might have to see those. I hear Steve McQueen was like the old version of Sammy L. I'm sure he'd know how to deal with my clownmunch zookeepers. Thanks for the endorsment for me running for prezident (that's how we'd spell that word in the United States of Bandit). Not sure yet if I can do that since I'm still getting deported in 2 years but I'll let you know if I find a way around that.

The newest staff member worked hard over the weekend:

Bandit-I am honored to be a part of your team! I will start crafting some legislation asap! I will make sure it is badass and representative of your amazing-ness. All of the lawmakers (and their staff) are indeed obsessed with you. We could get some great laws passed if you could get a hold of some discretionary tickets. A little meet and greet with the Congressmen and Senators and we will be living in the United States of Bandit...Sincerely,Your devoted Pandaholic (registered Bandit Lobbyist)

That rocks, Pandaholic, but I should remind you that I live in a compound very similar to a maximum security prizon. Me getting those discretionary tickets would basically mean I'd have to break out. I don't think I can be prezident if I commit a felony, so then where would our campaign be? Any other ideas to get those Congresshumans and the Sena-naters on board are much appreciated.

Here's a welcome to a new member of the comments crew, Pandafan2:

Bandit - You go guy! Putting on the show for the reporters! Showing the keepers who is boss! From AP wire: He chased his zoo keeper around, trying to nibble at the hems of her jeans. He pulled himself over the ledge of the habitat's rocky centerpiece. He tumbled onto his back, and he gummed at the bamboo stalks that will someday form his diet.

That clownmunch chick zookeeper was trying to put perfumy stuff on me. From a place called Body Bath it Works or something like that. Ew. I got her good though.

Oh dude! Almost forgot--I put up a new link in my "Tap It" section. I was told by an anonymous informant that my blog had been linked to another new blog, so I went to check it out. It's kind of weird and not a topic that interests me, (human girl trying to lose something...whatever, I didn't quite understand what she was talking about) but I thought it was cool that she gave me some love in her links section. I got the impression that something about her is kind of unusual or that's kind of cool. We're both rare species :-)

And I know it must be something good that I'm just not getting because Mom came up while I was reading it and started honking and throwing her beer bottle at the screen. She said something about "horz of Babylon" and it not being "appropriate for my age" and told me I couldn't read it ever again. Whatever. Even if I do comply with her bizarro wishes, she still didn't say anything about me not being allowed to LINK to the site.

So tap it. Now.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Welcome my Lobbyist

Sweet, I got representation!

Dear Bandit,

I work on Capitol Hill and we are all obsessed with you! We have pictures of you all over our office and watch the live feed every day. I would like to apply to be your lobbyist here on the Hill - especially if you decide to apply for your citizenship and stay here. We can make a new law for you! We will have a Bandit-ocracy (although we secretly refer to you as Butterstick...) What do you think?

Pandaholic on the Hill

I'm intrigued by the first sentence "I work on Capitol Hill and we are all obsessed with you!" So, as my editor advises me, grammatically that means that everyone who works on Capitol Hill is obsessed with me. HOOOSH POWER RUSH!! That's like, every powerful decision maker in the entire country. I really must need a lobbyist if I have Congress ready to eat out of my paw but no one to tell them what I want. Pandaholic you're way hired.

As for the mention of That Other Name, I suppose so long as it is NEVER MENTIONED IN MY PRESENCE then there's nothing I can do to keep you from using it.

I believe a banditocracy might be just the thing this country needs.

Vote Bandit.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


There's a ginormous pic of me on the front page of the Washington Post today. Stupid paparazzi.

Nah, you know I like it. Though I do take offense at the "becomes" part of their headline ("Tai Shan Becomes the Hottest Ticket in Town"). I've uh, ALWAYS been the hottest ticket in town, at least since I was born. Cramz pointed out another potentially devastating error in the caption:

Yo Bandit-What's with the Washington Post? Yeah, they put you on the front page, appropriately, but they clearly mislabeled the photo. It says you are nuzzling your mother. It seems quite obvious to me that you were getting up in her grill and preparing a back-off bark. Don't they see the crazy look in your eyes? Want me to set the Post straight?

YEAH! Stick it to the MAN, Cramz! I'm about to go crazy all over that be-otch in the picture, but they say I'm "nuzzling" her. It all comes down to common sense. You have a cub named Bandit, who's the largest cub of his kind in existence--does he sound like the kind of cub who "nuzzles?"

You know I love the ladies, but I swear, it was definitely a girl who wrote that. You can always tell in these cases.

Speaking of lovely ladies, I have some comments here from my fans that my editor just realized she never brought to my attention. Here's one from Wingy:

Bandit, I am the girl in the photo. While I will concede that I am a girl, and I know you are not, I wasn't drinking frou frou wine. It was actually vodka, but it as a special Halloween goblet with skulls and spiders on it. So, while I will never be as badass as you, I don't want you to think I would dare denigrate your image with such blatant girly girl behavior.

See I can totally get behind a girl who drinks from a goblet with skulls and spiders on it. I appreciate your careful protection of my image, Wingy. I like spiders. Spiders kick ass. I like you too.

My way hot personal trainer Lauren wrote this:

"Bad bear, bad bear, what ya gonna do. What ya gonna do when they come for you..." What the hell does the zoo think you did, Bandit? It looks like they have you in jail (behind bars in den 2). Keep up the training sessions and break out soon! Love, your personal trainer.

I'm doing all I can. They can't contain me for long. I'm way too awesome for this zoo to handle so they try to contain me with those stupid bars. That glass you see in the visitor area is double reinforced bulletproof (Sammy L tested it for me when he was down last time) to keep my enemies from capitalizing on what would be a sitting-duck situation. I can't fight back against glocks when I'm temporarily trapped in my quarters and trying to put on a good show for all of my fans. These are the kind of things you never think about unless you're a world famous panda.

I don't know if new fan JP is a girl or a boy but I always love a good dig at the Zoo AND my editor:

Hey Bandit - what's up with the zoo's website? Your clownmunch editor isn't in charge of it is she? Cause that would explain it I guess... Anyway, can you get your publicist on it? How are you supposed to have a career without the PandaCam?

My always-reliable publicist has been bombarding the zoo with a ton of communiques regarding the unacceptability of problems with the PandaCam. She's got them squirming like worms on a hook, so even though the whole site was down yesterday, I'm TOLD (I'm talking to you, zoo servants) that it is better today. It had BETTER not happen again.

Two more things, yes I go on public view Dec. 8th. No I can't get you tickets. It's one of the great injustices of the 21st century that they didn't give me discretionary tickets to use as I please.

Typical clownmunches.

Monday, November 14, 2005

So say that again...I can't meet Dad??

Well that was an interesting weekend. Judging by all the crazed fans crowding my view of the people area, and all the flashes going off, I've been suitably immortalized in many scrapbooks around the area.

Btw, Mom's little "Let's drag Bandit by the head, occasionally dropping him on the concrete floor" trick is so old it's got mold on it. I've been really lenient on her lately, due to the requests I've gotten on here to treat her nicer, and she just gets more and more out of hand. It's fun to bait her though, so while she's dragging me, I get my kicks asking her how the lemur house was last night.

So did anyone see that back-asswards comment on the Zoo blog about how since panda fathers don't ever have anything to do with their kids in the wild, they have "no plans right now to introduce our cub to his father."

WTH?? Do we look like wild pandas? I mean, I know I'm badass, and I could rip a hole in an elephant large enough to fly a B-52 through if I wanted to (which I wouldn't because elephants are pretty awesome and that would wind up being more gross than cool) but my mom wouldn't know how to find a bamboo grove in the wild if it decked itself out with blinky Christmas lights and put up glowing dioramas showing her exactly how to harvest her own bamboo. Dad is probably better, but still, can I take it down to bottom-line-cynical terms?

We are proverbial cash cows. Me most of all. Do you think the Zoo (or China for that matter) has any intention of reintroducing us to the wild? We raise money for all those poor grubby wild pandas in the jungles of Outer Mongolia who don't have servants at their beck and call, and a personal staff to make sure our every needs are covered. We give them a better life.

And we sure as heck are staying put. So what's the harm in letting me meet Dad? What do they think he'll do, think I'm competition or something? Please. I'm going to be way bigger than Dad, and I promise I won't hurt him. Besides, I've put up with Mom long enough. All this estrogen is going to kill me if I don't get to hang with the old man at least ONCE before I'm deported.

Dude, this is depressing.

Hobbitbuddy, that bamboo icecream is sounding pretty good right now. And maybe a sno-cone?

Oh fyi: the BanditWear shop is almost ready for business. It needs a few tweaks so it's not ready yet, but I just wanted my peeps to know I haven't forgotten them, and I'm working with my staff night and day (between powernaps) to bring ways for you to show your BanditFan pride wherever you live.


Monday, November 07, 2005

Halloween Pics

Since you waited for it so patiently...

That's right, folks, people dressed as me for Halloween. Now, they also dressed as my mother, but we can forgive them for that.

There is one thing dead-on in that picture, and two things very much off. Can you spot them?

Dead-on: Mom holding a can of beer.

1st Thing That's Off: Bandit holding frou-frou glass of wine. Forget that Mom won't let me within 25 feet of her stash without launching into an all-out bath--I would NEVER drink wine without doing it to placate a chick.

2nd Thing That's Off: That Bandit is a girl. I don't think I need to explain myself further.

Those details aside, IMHO the costumes rule and the idea is even better.

H and Hobbitbuddy have both noted my regular beat-downs of my mother. The edge I have over her grows stronger with each passing day...

For the record-- H, I was running after my mother because she had threatened to destroy my vintage collection of Zepplin LPs if I didn't come in for my bath right then. That woman is relentless. I see where you're going with the whole "world class mother" business, but really--I'm barely four months old--does anyone appreciate their mother at that age?

I'm sure you're all wondering what I went as for Halloween, and since no one at the Zoo deigned to release a picture of me in costume to the public, I'll have to use this private-party pic (Ally, you ROCK).

All hail Bandit the Magnificent, Sultan of America. H you are so right. This chick digs me. Look at her gazing at my Turban of Awe-Inspiring Magnificence.

Being me on a daily basis rules more than anything has ever ruled in the history of the world.


Friday, November 04, 2005

New Hires

See, this is why I keep a lawyer on the staff:

I think the chick in the picture is the zoo's version of the obligatory hot girl that frequently stands beside badass stuff. Like, you see girls in bikinis standing next to hot rides and sweet bikes all the time in pictures. And badass rappers can't even be in a photo without some honey showing tons of cleavage nearby. I mean, even James Bond had his Bond girls. So I think she was probably just thrown into the picture as yet another mark of your awesomeness, as if we didn't know. And of course, she's not in a bikini because I don't think scientists are really bikini people. I bet most of them have one-pieces.

This is totally what happened. I think next time they need to make sure it's more immediately obvious. Like, put me on a pedestal with flame decals ringing the base. And maybe use some oil on the chick to make her super shiny.

Lauren has applied to be my personal trainer--we are of the same mind that I am in great shape, but even the most badass cuteness needs a little tune-up now and then.

Hobbitbuddy was astute enough to point out my confusion with that one pic I had posted to my gallery before I took it down today. See ok, I was blind when I was two weeks old, so I have no idea what I looked like. Hobbitbuddy helpfully pointed out that it was a picture of that girl at the San Diego Zoo, and that these clownmunches at the NATIONAL Zoo were afraid to pick me up at first so that's why I don't have any pictures of me at that age. Hey Washingtonian Zoopeople--get some backbone a'ight?

Anyway, I just assumed that all pictures I ran across were of me (who wouldn't?). I've taken the pic down and put up another (cuter one) of me.

Today, I made page 3 of USA Today, and I totally have fans across the country now. Welcome Kristen to my staff:

Position Applying for: West Coast Representative totally rule the panda world. I think you're right, that belly with just the right mixture of muscle and chunk raises your cuteness factor off the charts. After thinking long and hard about this, I think you need some West Coast representation. I live in LA and you have a lot of fans out here. Fans that are willing to make the trek to DC when your mom finally decides to let you out of the den on a more "regular" basis (after all, we would love to see your mom and dad, but it's YOU that we really want to see). Whatever it is that you need out here, I can do it...I'm your girl!

You are one smart human, Kristen. I totally need West Coast (Wesst Coasssst!) representation, especially if my merchandising gets off the ground. I gotta reach out to both sides of the nation.

Finally, gotta give a major shout out to Ally. She has been with me from the very beginning and she's finally applied for a job as my Official Royal Photographer. So as we welcome Ally, Kristen, and Lauren to the staff, I'll leave you with one of Ally's pics--one that Kristen may use in promoting me to Cali, and one that accurately demonstrates the fabulous bod Lauren and I will be working on in the future.

So, I say to you....


Thursday, November 03, 2005

Announcing Bandit's Amazing Photo Gallery

Check it out peeps--there's a new link on my sidebar. H (who, if you read her comment, is a girl--oh yeah, I'm a hunk), you got your wish:

So Bandit, got any 8 x 10 glossy's for the panda addicted? I think you should have a page devoted to photos of you that your fans can drool over. sigh.....

Behold, Bandit's Amazing Photo Gallery. I started with my baby pictures, 'cause you need to see where I've come from to appreciate where I'm going. Keep an eye out for more pictures in the next few days.

I can't really do a podcast. Yet. Maybe I'll get that advanced but for the time being, you'll have to be content with me as I am. I should let you all know though (paying attention?) there may be merchandising in the works. My lawyer is still hammering out the licensing details, but I'll keep you posted when I have more definite info.

I think I got another new poster to join the family. This one signed her name #1 Sweetheart, so that's what I'll call her:

Damn Bandit -
What are you training for the Olympics? Saw you on CNN.Com totally running the show with the cameras and running around like a full-fledge Champ! Your crew at the National Zoo better watch out and your Mom she just doesn't get it, I can't believe they said she has started dropping you at the smell of fresh bamboo, obviously you don't mind because it gets you out of bath time but damn that's just plain rude. Hang in there Big Bad Dude your public will be there soon enough!!
Luv,#1 Sweetheart

Yeah, she's of a one track mind, but ha--LIKE I MIND. As far as training, new fan Lauren had a question along those same lines:

Dude - In the latest film they refer to your "big fat belly," saying that you're having some trouble getting around on your hind legs because of the above mentioned "belly." Does that offend you? I like the belly look but if it's not working for you, I'd be happy to offer some personal training. Lauren

Sweetheart and Lauren, I have to tell you, that belly is pure muscle. I've been working out for months, and it's fit and toned. With just the right amount of softness to keep me cute. But Lauren, that sounds an awful lot like a job application--do you want to be my personal trainer? Every rock star (which I definitely qualify as because Hobbitbuddy confirmed it--see her comment) needs a trainer.

So like I think I might have said before, I don't really get offended.

I just get even.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

A Chef, Two Films, and Reason #427 Why the Zoo Sucks.

So I've decided that my enormous posting yesterday was kind of uncool. Like, just a little bit like those stupid hippos who like to show off in school just to prove how they're way smarter than you, when really, they're just a bunch of tools.

Anyway, all I'm sayin' is I'll try to keep it brief in the future. Unless I hear otherwise.

That being said, I got yet another application today--none other than Hobbitbuddy has applied to be my chef. This made me real hungry when I read it:

Name: Hobbitbuddy
Position applying for: chef

Since your teeth have sprouted so nicely, and you will soon begin munching on bamboo, I would like to apply for a job as your personal chef. Bamboo, as a solitary entree, can get tiresome, so I would find new and imaginitive ways to prepare and serve bamboo for your culinary pleasure. For example, how does roasted bamboo served with baked sweet potatoes, carrot strips and broiled gekko tails sound? For dessert would be a bamboo/apple compote with dainty lemur fingers on the side. If that doesn't strike your fancy, I could prepare barbequed bamboo, coconut bamboo, lemon bamboo, fried bamboo, bamboo stew, bamboo creole...

*slobbery response* the woman is HIRED! Editor, if you don't want me to knock your nose off of your face, you'll post Hobbitbuddy up as my chef. DO it.

Also, two more films have been made about me. When my editor quits groveling for mercy and finishes posting Hobbitbuddy as my new chef, she'll put the links up on the sidebar as well. Thanks to H for showing me the one by ABCNews: Bandit makes the news. There's a link (and pic) of our wee Bandit on that website. Pretty cavalier with that camera in your face Bandit.

You know it. Like I said, it's only a matter of time before I'm OUT OF CONTROL!!!

I got two more comments but I'm going do throw those up here in a separate (seperate, separete...whatever, if I spell it wrong, it'll only punish my editor--which you all know is like my third favorite activity. Drives her NUTS when I do weird things with punctuation, etc) posting.

For now, I just need to sound off about this. First of all, I'm now enormous. I'm like, the largest cub ever. It's hard to call me a cub anymore when really I'm a huge badass BEAR. Check it out:

The thing that really eats me though is the chick: Ok so she's kind of cute in a toothy-human way, but does anyone else think she's ruining my pic? Is there a REASON she's in it too? Cause if it's purely for scale, they could just stick a ruler there next to me and it would serve the same purpose.

I just don't get it. I'm the zoo's bread and butter. Their top dollar attraction. Their reason for existance--and no I really don't think I'm being an unrealistic egomaniac about this--and they stick some anonymous chick in a picture next to me.

Dude people, learn how to crop.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

That editor's got some 'splaining to do!

We have some major catching up to do. I've had comment after comment rolling in, and that clownmunch I call an editor has done nothing to pass them my way.

Thankfully the Bandit faithful have done their part to keep this blog interesting. Here's the complete rundown--WITH answers.

First off we have a new "poster" to the Bandit blog. Everyone, welcome Blue:

Dearest Bandit,
I find you totally awesome. However, I have a question. Beneath that tough rebel-like (soft and fuzzy) exterior, theres a sweet panda in you somewhere, right? Admit it!

*mumbling*...maybe... But that doesn't mean I'm any less badass! I'm a well-rounded panda, which explains why I have so many different fans.

Then Hobbitbuddy wrote:

Hey Bandit,I am definitely a "she". And I wuv the stuffing out of you!

I must say, I'm glad to have that mystery cleared up. Also, I think if she'd just typed "I wuv the stuffing out of you" I would have figured it out for myself. Has anyone ever heard of a guy typing "wuv?"

So, ok. H wrote something next, but I'm not sure what he/she means:

If Bond can have Q, then Bandit can have H. And you should be kinder to your poor dear sainted Mother! Sure, didn't she bring you in to this world could she not take you out? Wouldn't want to see that since you're such delicious little eye candy.Thanks for the laughs, I had to grip the wall on this one I was laughing so hard. Yours, H

Let's dissect this a bit. The Bond and Q bit--H, are you applying to be my gadget woman? (I'm thinking H is a she as well, so maybe we'll find out on that one too.) If so I'd be happy to make you a part of the staff. Next, about my mom. Sainted? Are we sure on that one, because if you've heard the things she's honked about first hand, you might not think that way. Yeah she brought me into the world--which is by far the coolest thing she's ever done in her entire life. Honestly, did any of you know the name of the female panda at the Zoo until I came on the scene?

Didn't think so. Oh and I'm always glad to make any fan laugh.

Moving on, the HAnD followed up with this:

BANDIT- what up?!? I have posted before and really love your insight and humor. The job I would love to have on your staff is to be your #1 fan. I am a dude (as I know you are looking for some male bonding), and really, just wanna kick it with ya. As you and I can both agree, work is for the birds (and the jack asses over on the other side of the Zoo). Just let me know what I can do, cause I am stoked for this position.

Hmm. #1 Fan? Not sure I can make that a staff position because really how can you tell something like that? But the interest is cool so let me think...what about Fan Reporter? You can let me know anytime you see a Bandit fan making mention of me somewhere else online. Like a Fan Reporter of sorts. That would be cool.

Oh and dude, I'm not looking for male bonding exactly. Just a little equal representation on the staff. Welcome on board.

Then Hobbitbuddy dropped this doozy on me:

Me again Bandit,
You were lamenting the lack of "hot panda babes" in an earlier post. Well, check out the San Diego Zoo website to see a panda babe who'll knock your little black eyes out! And, best of all, she's just your age! Check out those "Playpanda" poses and that sexy "come hither" look. She's the panda equivalent of Pam Anderson, and she's only 11 weeks old!

Ok so I was kinda like "ew" when I read this. Like, I want to look at hot panda babes, but ones my own age have cooties. But you made me curious so I went to their website. What the heck were they doing posting pics on the internet of a little girl posing on red satin?!? I'm enraged for her. Like, I want to go kick some asses over in San Diego or something.

She's, uh, kinda cute, in a cootiesish way. And I thought the National Zoo was infested with clownmunches.

Poor kid.

H had something to say on the subject as well:

Hobbitbuddy, I've seen at that San Diego panda and ...quite frankly, I'm not too impressed. I mean once you've gazed upon Bandit can any other panda come close on the cuteness scale? Besides, can you see Mei letting him date?Did you see this morning how quickly Bandit bolted for the den? I can't believe how good he's getting at walking. And I absolutely love it when he lays on his back with those paws dangling in the air, twitching away. I often wonder what he's dreaming about. I can't BELIEVE how much Panda's sleep! I'm almost jealous lol


H, my friend, you really do not want to know what I'm dreaming about. It's pretty messed up. And you're right, it's really not fair to put that poor little girl up against me for cuteness. Because she's got the sweet and innocent cute going on but I'm super badass cute. There's no contest.

So Hobbitbuddy replied right back to H:

Dear H,
They took the really "hot" pictures with "Baby Girl Panda" off the slideshow. She is sweet, but you're right, Bandit is the most excruciatingly painfully cute panda ever born. BANDIT RULES!

Hahahaha right on! H thought that was a good way to put it as well:

>>>excruciatingly painfully cute panda ever born>> LOL! Great description. I know, he sure is panda perfect, the cutest panda ever. Maybe I'm prejudiced, an east coast type of thing. But I don't think sooooo. For all the things that Washington offers, I can't BELIEVE its a Panda that makes me want to go there. Well, I guess its not just ANY panda. H

Wait, so H you don't live near Washington? Dude, you totally have to come here and see me when I come out. I'm kind of the coolest thing in this city. EAST COASSSST!

Hobbitbuddy elaborated then:

We all know where the REAL power in Washington lies, and it's NOT at the White House! I'll bet the day our Bandit goes out to meet his public for the first time there will literally be hundreds of people trying to push their way in to the viewing area to worship at the altar of his overwhelming adorableness. God help Dubya if he schedules a news conference that day; no one from the press will show up! They'll all be at Asia Trail broadcasting our boy.

There's probably more truth to that than the Bush administration would want to admit. No one in this town really cares who did something corrupt now (really, can anyone keep track?). Everyone just wants to know when I'm coming out to meet my public. And I'm cooler than anything related to the federal government just by default of my badassness.

And THEEEEEN??! Cramz applied for a job!

I'm a bit hesitant to apply for this position because I suspect you can handle yourself pretty well, but I'd like to apply to be your head of security.I'm a pretty big tough guy and previously worked security at Madam's Organ. While there I had to exhibit badassness on several occasions using only a maglite flashlight and angry stares to keep the unruly drunks in line. My hobbies include playing way too many sports, drinking a bit too much beer, and stomping lots of gekkos.I would be ideally suited to make sure that you are protected from the various clown munches who want to mess with you and your posse. And I'll keep your mom of your back and out of your business. You need room to operate and get your groove on. I can help.

Even the toughest most badass guy in the biz needs someone to head up his security department, cause really--do I want to busy myself in the day to day drugery of knocking heads together? I mean, it can be really time consuming. Don't worry, I'll still mutilate geckos whenever the mood seizes me but it'll be nice to have someone to watch my back. Go Cramz.

Oh and this is probably the coolest thing I've heard all day. From an "Anonymous":

BANDIT- we have some great Halloween pictures of the costumes we made. (We went as momma panda and Bandit!!!) We would like to share them with you, but do not have your e-mail. If you could let us know where to send the picture, I would appreciate it. THANKS!!

This is so cool I don't know what to do with myself. I'm, like, headbanging or something. I have to see pictures. My email address is I'll post them on my blog. Oh and Ally, thanks again for those pics, I promise I will use them.

Next comment I got was from H (again):

>>>worship at the altar of his overwhelming adorableness>> ROFL! Love that line. Did you get a view of the new pictures on Animal Planet? AND the new video. I cannot believe how big he is now. What a hunk!

I'm a bit confused. Who said "worship at the altar of his overwhelming adorableness." I couldn't find it anywhere and I want to give credit where it's due because, hey, I'm flattered. This is kind of why I hope H is a female--that "what a hunk!" line. I mean it's no big deal if H is a dude because he's a human dude, and it's really not a big deal, but that's the first time I've ever been called a hunk (growing up ROCKS!) and I'm wanting it to be from someone of the female persuasion.

Oh and just to note: Animal Planet apparently has a special planned to air in December about the "panda family at the National Zoo" which you know will be all about me. Just a heads up.

And lastly, Hobbitbuddy one more time:

Bandit,Ol' Sammy L' must be proud of you for unleashing a major can of whup ass on your clownmunch doctors!That's the LAST time they'll try shoving things where they don't belong! You rock and rule! Luv ya!

YEAH! That needle sucked ASS. Stupid rags.