Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Back from Thanksgiving

Whoever took this picture for Reuters owes me money. Look at it. I'm irresponsibily hot in it, and I'm sure they're making a killing off advertising next to me. Where's my lawyer these days?

On to other news, my entire staff took Thanksgiving off, so we've got craploads of stuff to cover.

Fortunately, Hobbitbuddy remembered me on the feasting day:

Happy Thanksgiving to Bandit from your chef!I hope you enjoyed the bamburkey, sweet potatoes, carrots, and apple/bamboo crisp I sent for your very first Thanksgiving. I trust your Mom enjoyed the case of beer. Love, Hobbitbuddy

Yeah it was the coolest dinner I ever had. Mom kept trying to steal my bamburky but I threw a sweet potato in her beer and so that kept her occupied for the next three hours trying to get it out. Oh yeah she loved the beer (but then, was there any doubt?).

She also had this to say:

Bandit,The last few nights I've watched you on Pandacam, it looks like you're trying to tunnel under the jail (oops...I mean den) door. Are you planning an escape? If you are, I recommend you watch The Great Escape, The Dirty Dozen, and the entire first season DVD of Hogan's Heroes. They'll give you plenty of tips on how to break out of the zoo.By the way, if you ran, I'd vote for you for prez. The current one is a real clownmunch.

I might have to see those. I hear Steve McQueen was like the old version of Sammy L. I'm sure he'd know how to deal with my clownmunch zookeepers. Thanks for the endorsment for me running for prezident (that's how we'd spell that word in the United States of Bandit). Not sure yet if I can do that since I'm still getting deported in 2 years but I'll let you know if I find a way around that.

The newest staff member worked hard over the weekend:

Bandit-I am honored to be a part of your team! I will start crafting some legislation asap! I will make sure it is badass and representative of your amazing-ness. All of the lawmakers (and their staff) are indeed obsessed with you. We could get some great laws passed if you could get a hold of some discretionary tickets. A little meet and greet with the Congressmen and Senators and we will be living in the United States of Bandit...Sincerely,Your devoted Pandaholic (registered Bandit Lobbyist)

That rocks, Pandaholic, but I should remind you that I live in a compound very similar to a maximum security prizon. Me getting those discretionary tickets would basically mean I'd have to break out. I don't think I can be prezident if I commit a felony, so then where would our campaign be? Any other ideas to get those Congresshumans and the Sena-naters on board are much appreciated.

Here's a welcome to a new member of the comments crew, Pandafan2:

Bandit - You go guy! Putting on the show for the reporters! Showing the keepers who is boss! From AP wire: He chased his zoo keeper around, trying to nibble at the hems of her jeans. He pulled himself over the ledge of the habitat's rocky centerpiece. He tumbled onto his back, and he gummed at the bamboo stalks that will someday form his diet.

That clownmunch chick zookeeper was trying to put perfumy stuff on me. From a place called Body Bath it Works or something like that. Ew. I got her good though.

Oh dude! Almost forgot--I put up a new link in my "Tap It" section. I was told by an anonymous informant that my blog had been linked to another new blog, so I went to check it out. It's kind of weird and not a topic that interests me, (human girl trying to lose something...whatever, I didn't quite understand what she was talking about) but I thought it was cool that she gave me some love in her links section. I got the impression that something about her is kind of unusual or that's kind of cool. We're both rare species :-)

And I know it must be something good that I'm just not getting because Mom came up while I was reading it and started honking and throwing her beer bottle at the screen. She said something about "horz of Babylon" and it not being "appropriate for my age" and told me I couldn't read it ever again. Whatever. Even if I do comply with her bizarro wishes, she still didn't say anything about me not being allowed to LINK to the site.

So tap it. Now.


At 10:14 AM, Anonymous H said...

Finally succeeded in crashing the Zoo's website, didn't you?

sigh...what will I do without my panda fix


At 6:55 PM, Anonymous H said...

I cannot believe we have to share you with MILLIONS jesh! I read today you have fans in Baghdad. Go figure.

I love picture number 3 here at this website:

It looks like you're taking questions from the press. Sweet little face too!

ugh, I'm a panda junkie. How did this happen??!!?

At 6:56 PM, Anonymous H said...

There's the proper address =)

At 10:02 PM, Blogger Larissa said...

Thanks for the love Bandit. From a cutie like you, it means a lot! Although I don't think I approve of that photo of you smoking. What would your mother think? ;-)


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