Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Bandit's March of Madness

Three weeks have come and gone since I last set down in front of my editor and rambled about my life. I wish I could blame it on her, but--

Scratch that. I am going to blame it on her.

So how my peeps been? I've been setting records in scent-marking (earliest panda to do so on record EVER, gooooo ME!), spying on Dad, and confounding the clownmunch keepers at every turn. So pretty much nothing new or exciting going on down here. Until yesterday. Yesterday, I learned about The March Madness.

So this basketball thing is a pretty big deal, huh? And all guys love basketball right? So therefore Bandit must love it, too? Not so fast. Before I committed myself to fandom, I had to do some research first.

Paolo brought over the March Madness brackets yesterday, and I gnawed on a piece of bamboo while he went over his report. I learned everything I needed to know about all the teams involved, but after that, the chief question in my mind was this: Why are there no teams named after pandas? Do I need to spell it out for you people? We got the coolness, we got the size, we got the ferocity (Don't believe it? Ask Mom about the can of whoopass I opened on her when she tried to take my brackets away yesterday. Ha ha ha. That was funny). Best of all, we're MONEY.

A college naming its team the "(whatever) Pandas" would sell so much merchandising, they'd be an instant dynasty because they could afford to bribe their stars with under-the-table gifts (like a sweet new muscle car) and therefore keep them from going pro. They'd become the Yankees of college basketball!! Or that Duke?

Anyway, there are a lot of lameass team names out there, and I challenge those colleges to take a postitive step toward the future: make the change to Pandas. You won't regret it.

Do any of my fans have The March Madness? The zoo has a pool going and I need help filling out my brackets. I hear the geckos win every year, and I can't allow that to happen.

This time, it's personal.


At 3:59 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

I agree Bandit. There should be a team called the Pandas. BADASS! There is a hockey team here in PA called the Hershey Bears , an NFL team called the Chicago Bears and I think there's an NBA basketball team called the Colorado Grizzlies. So bears are way cool as mascots (plus bears are cute), but a team with a panda mascot? WOW! That would be AWESOME! Ticket sales would go through the roof!

P.S. Look for the promised St. Patrick's Day goodies to arrive on Friday.

At 4:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's a high school team in Wilmington Delaware named the Padua Pandas. Bandit, sit's an all girls school! Cool name, none the less! Maybe we need to get working on YOU, personally, becoming a mascot! The teams would be lining might keep you here for more than 2 years?

At 5:22 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Bandit!

Just so you know, on this day of all days, everyone is Irish, including you. St. Patrick's Day celebrates the day a priest named Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland and converted the heathens to Christianity. Since you're Buddhist, you probably don't care about the last part. Anyway, since you're a vegetarian, I thought corned beef and cabbage was inappropriate, so I'm sending you shamrock cookies made from bamboo flour and frosted with green frosting. Happy eating!

P.S. I hope your Mom enjoys the case of green beer I sent.

At 12:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your March of madness continues, Bandit! Congratulations to you for graduating from the small, bent river birch tree into a tree more fitting for one of your calibre. All the better for your "Peeps" to worship you! Be safe Bandit, and may the Panda force be with you (Of course it is!)

At 9:37 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Bet on Villanova to win. They're a Pennsylvania team and ranked numero uno!

At 11:39 AM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

I blew it. Villanova was knocked out. Rats! Try UCLA.


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