New Hires

See, this is why I keep a lawyer on the staff:

I think the chick in the picture is the zoo's version of the obligatory hot girl that frequently stands beside badass stuff. Like, you see girls in bikinis standing next to hot rides and sweet bikes all the time in pictures. And badass rappers can't even be in a photo without some honey showing tons of cleavage nearby. I mean, even James Bond had his Bond girls. So I think she was probably just thrown into the picture as yet another mark of your awesomeness, as if we didn't know. And of course, she's not in a bikini because I don't think scientists are really bikini people. I bet most of them have one-pieces.

This is totally what happened. I think next time they need to make sure it's more immediately obvious. Like, put me on a pedestal with flame decals ringing the base. And maybe use some oil on the chick to make her super shiny.

Lauren has applied to be my personal trainer--we are of the same mind that I am in great shape, but even the most badass cuteness needs a little tune-up now and then.

Hobbitbuddy was astute enough to point out my confusion with that one pic I had posted to my gallery before I took it down today. See ok, I was blind when I was two weeks old, so I have no idea what I looked like. Hobbitbuddy helpfully pointed out that it was a picture of that girl at the San Diego Zoo, and that these clownmunches at the NATIONAL Zoo were afraid to pick me up at first so that's why I don't have any pictures of me at that age. Hey Washingtonian Zoopeople--get some backbone a'ight?

Anyway, I just assumed that all pictures I ran across were of me (who wouldn't?). I've taken the pic down and put up another (cuter one) of me.

Today, I made page 3 of USA Today, and I totally have fans across the country now. Welcome Kristen to my staff:

Position Applying for: West Coast Representative

Bandit...you totally rule the panda world. I think you're right, that belly with just the right mixture of muscle and chunk raises your cuteness factor off the charts. After thinking long and hard about this, I think you need some West Coast representation. I live in LA and you have a lot of fans out here. Fans that are willing to make the trek to DC when your mom finally decides to let you out of the den on a more "regular" basis (after all, we would love to see your mom and dad, but it's YOU that we really want to see). Whatever it is that you need out here, I can do it...I'm your girl!

You are one smart human, Kristen. I totally need West Coast (Wesst Coasssst!) representation, especially if my merchandising gets off the ground. I gotta reach out to both sides of the nation.

Finally, gotta give a major shout out to Ally. She has been with me from the very beginning and she's finally applied for a job as my Official Royal Photographer. So as we welcome Ally, Kristen, and Lauren to the staff, I'll leave you with one of Ally's pics--one that Kristen may use in promoting me to Cali, and one that accurately demonstrates the fabulous bod Lauren and I will be working on in the future.



So, I say to you....

'Sup?