Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

A Chef, Two Films, and Reason #427 Why the Zoo Sucks.

So I've decided that my enormous posting yesterday was kind of uncool. Like, just a little bit like those stupid hippos who like to show off in school just to prove how they're way smarter than you, when really, they're just a bunch of tools.

Anyway, all I'm sayin' is I'll try to keep it brief in the future. Unless I hear otherwise.

That being said, I got yet another application today--none other than Hobbitbuddy has applied to be my chef. This made me real hungry when I read it:

Name: Hobbitbuddy
Position applying for: chef

Since your teeth have sprouted so nicely, and you will soon begin munching on bamboo, I would like to apply for a job as your personal chef. Bamboo, as a solitary entree, can get tiresome, so I would find new and imaginitive ways to prepare and serve bamboo for your culinary pleasure. For example, how does roasted bamboo served with baked sweet potatoes, carrot strips and broiled gekko tails sound? For dessert would be a bamboo/apple compote with dainty lemur fingers on the side. If that doesn't strike your fancy, I could prepare barbequed bamboo, coconut bamboo, lemon bamboo, fried bamboo, bamboo stew, bamboo creole...

*slobbery response* the woman is HIRED! Editor, if you don't want me to knock your nose off of your face, you'll post Hobbitbuddy up as my chef. DO it.

Also, two more films have been made about me. When my editor quits groveling for mercy and finishes posting Hobbitbuddy as my new chef, she'll put the links up on the sidebar as well. Thanks to H for showing me the one by ABCNews: Bandit makes the news. There's a link (and pic) of our wee Bandit on that website. Pretty cavalier with that camera in your face Bandit.

You know it. Like I said, it's only a matter of time before I'm OUT OF CONTROL!!!

I got two more comments but I'm going do throw those up here in a separate (seperate, separete...whatever, if I spell it wrong, it'll only punish my editor--which you all know is like my third favorite activity. Drives her NUTS when I do weird things with punctuation, etc) posting.

For now, I just need to sound off about this. First of all, I'm now enormous. I'm like, the largest cub ever. It's hard to call me a cub anymore when really I'm a huge badass BEAR. Check it out:

The thing that really eats me though is the chick: Ok so she's kind of cute in a toothy-human way, but does anyone else think she's ruining my pic? Is there a REASON she's in it too? Cause if it's purely for scale, they could just stick a ruler there next to me and it would serve the same purpose.

I just don't get it. I'm the zoo's bread and butter. Their top dollar attraction. Their reason for existance--and no I really don't think I'm being an unrealistic egomaniac about this--and they stick some anonymous chick in a picture next to me.

Dude people, learn how to crop.


At 8:44 PM, Anonymous H said...

Hey, don't keep it brief, we hang on every word. :) I think everyone is making you wait because you were gone for so long. harumph

So I'll answer the question you raised, yes I'm a girl and so your wish came true, you've been called a hunk by a girl lol. And you are a total little hunk. Cute, funny, intelligent, charismatic...what a package!

It looks like your tickets are all sold out too! You're hotter than I thought. Go figure. And I don't live in Washington, I live in New York, the big apple. But one of these days I'll take the train down to the zoo to check you out.

So Bandit, got any 8 x 10 glossy's for the panda addicted? I think you should have a page devoted to photos of you that your fans can drool over. sigh..... Today your panda addicts must have had a good fix as your video was EVERYWHERE. I was wondering what they were up to when they dragged you out to the exhibition area 5 times yesterday! were the TOP search on my ISP's home page today.

So do you not have any podcasts wee Bandit? Might as well go the whole hog as it were.

Your gadget girl,

At 9:37 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Watching the latest video I kept humming the song from Santa Claus is Comin' to Town (the Rankin/ Bass stopmotion cartoon) called "Put One Foot in Front of the Other". Here's the chorus:

Put one foot in front of the other,
And soon you'll be walkin' cross the floor.
Put one foot in front of the other,
And soon you'll be walkin' out the door!
Bandit is a zillion times cuter than the Winter Warlock!

At 7:22 AM, Anonymous H said...

Hmmm...Winter Warlock...something tells me thats not a Burt Bacharach tune lol

At 1:37 PM, Anonymous KMarissa said...

I think the chick in the picture is the zoo's version of the obligatory hot girl that frequently stands beside badass stuff. Like, you see girls in bikinis standing next to hot rides and sweet bikes all the time in pictures. And badass rappers can't even be in a photo without some honey showing tons of cleavage nearby. I mean, even James Bond had his Bond girls. So I think she was probably just thrown into the picture as yet another mark of your awesomeness, as if we didn't know. And of course, she's not in a bikini because I don't think scientists are really bikini people. I bet most of them have one-pieces.


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