Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Vote Bandit

Yesterday was pretty sweet. Thank you for the Happy Birthday well-wishing, Larissa, and Hobbitbuddy, the 3 layer carrot cake was delish. The carrot part was a nice twist--in spite of what Dad may think, bamboo can get old. Occasionally. Not very often.

At six months, I'm still the cutest, baddest panda around. I'm badder than most of the other animals at the zoo. Shooo...I'm so bad, they had to get more tubs to keep me distracted from taking over the WORLD!

My vision knows no bounds. And you're right, Pandaholic, I need to keep my eyes on the prize, and not indulge in any more late night Johnny Walker with Paolo & Co.

I think we can all say that the world would be a better place if this picture became a reality. I need to start practicing campaign speeches if I'm going to be ready for 2008.

Vote Bandit. I care about your problems. I'll listen. And then I'll go out and kick the ass of whoever is giving you those problems. And if there are no asses to be kicked, I'll take a nap until there's some more asskicking needed.

I should perhaps note that the asskicking is sometimes a metaphor, rather than straight up violence. For instance, if I say I'll kick social security's ass, that means I'll fix it. If I say I'm going to kick the ass of our stagnating education system, then that means I'll fix it. That clear enough?

And if a certain fennec fox thinks he can get away with hacking into my blog, there will be some asskicking before the election. This afternoon, actually.

Vote Bandit
Better asskicking, for a better tomorrow.


At 2:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will vote for you. And I'll ask mom, dad, my two brothers, uncles, aunts, cousins, classmates, friends as well as everyone I know to vote for you.

At 2:48 PM, Anonymous H said...

ROFLMAO!! Love that slogan!

Hey, today is my birthday bandit! You're almost a capricorn yourself there. Sorry I didn't get to wish you a happy 6 mos, I did think about you though.

I never thought it was possible for you to be any cuter but day after day you surprise me with more thrills. That podium suits you.

Does the zoo know you're running for office?

At 2:53 PM, Blogger Larissa said...

that's a hotter president than JFK!

At 5:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bandit, are you D or R?

At 5:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sure you'll be the most popular president. The world will be a better place;

At 9:22 PM, Blogger just_me_2 said...

You've got my vote already and the votes of all the customers at my yarn shop ( too. We watch you every day.

Our White House needs a badass Bandit, especially a cute one.

P.S. Avoid that Abramoff guy, even if he does offer you all the Johnny Walker you can drink!

At 10:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bandit -
You're english is 100X better than our current president's. Go for it, Bandit. You were born for power!!! There's going to be a lot of stress and strain on the campaign trail so make sure you eat a healthy diet and keep up your rock-climbing and zoo-keeper chasing in order to stay in shape. Love from your personal trainer, Lauren

At 4:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

White House suits you better than NZ.

At 10:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

w00t. the bear gets my vote. some asses need a serious kicking they haven't gotten in a while. give'em hell bandit

At 4:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Long Live President Bandit!

At 10:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've decided to give you my vote after reading NZ's update about your intelligence. You know, we used to associate cutenss with dumbness. And now NZ confirms you can think, and nothing can hold you back once you have decided to achieve something, and if Plan A doesn't work, you go for Plan B. You will be the most intelligent president in our history.

At 9:15 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

The latest update from your minions at the zoo proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that your intelligence level is 100 times greater than the current clownmunch president's (for proof see his "newsconference" from New Orleans). I'd vote for you any day!


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