Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Taking the White House

So I took Hobbitbuddy's suggestion. It seems that if I want what I want in life, I gotta learn to climb. You all saw me take on that tree, but did you know I was practicing for the main event? Paolo stole Ally's camera and together we made our escape Monday afternoon...

The afternoon was crisp. I hunkered low against my wall, waiting for the signal. My servants paced the perimeter (pretending to work, the clownmunches.) Mom had already gone inside, and I knew my window of opportunity narrowed with every breath I took.

Vibrations went off beneath my paw--a warning. Soon, the pumping sounds of 50's "Wanksta" began to emit from the small silver device I held clutched in my paw. I flipped it. "Where you at?"

Paolo's voice came over the line. "The other side, dawg. Make it happen."

The line went dead. Looking above me, I saw the narrow branch reaching over the cement wall. It was now or never.

I shot up that tree like a bullet from a gat. The branch shook beneath my weight, but I was on a mission from a higher authority than gravity.

A mission from my fans.

I dropped to the ground and smacked Paolo with the back of my paw. "Where's our ride?"

Paolo blinked at me with his beady little eyes and pointed his ears in the direction of the most beat up chopper I've ever seen. Like I cared. "Will it run?" I asked him.

"If it don't, I keel the bastard who sold it to me."

Good enough for me. We climbed on and I kicked it to life. That took some doing, since most choppers aren't designed with nearly 7 month old pandas in mind. It roared as I gave it a little gas and we were off.

Between Paolo's despicable MapQuest directions, and the DC police, it's a miracle we even made it. I popped a wheelie between 17th and Penn before flipping off the chopper to the rousing cheers of my fans in the streets. Paolo brought the chopper to heel and kept the engine purring while I eluded the guards and shot straight toward the fence.

Stupid bars. Those suckers are slippery.

Next time, I'm bringing equipment.

8 Comments:

At 1:31 PM, Anonymous Katie said...

In true rain-on-your-parade fashion, I feel obligated to say that it might not be wisest to begin your political career with breaking-and-entering charges. It's probably just as well that those bars were too slippery.

But hey, if you want to do it anyway, just let me know. We'll just refer to it as "freedom accessing." After a few months of saying, "it's completely legal!," people will forget all about it.

Bandit for President!

 
At 1:55 PM, Blogger Larissa said...

hey i think it's totally badass bandit. forget the election, take over the white house now!

 
At 4:48 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Bandit,
You need to rethink Paolo's participation in your takeover scheme. I don't trust him as far as I could throw him. I think you need to get in touch with your good buddy Sammy L. and enlist him and his homies in your bid to take over the White House.

 
At 4:08 PM, Anonymous Katie said...

Woah Bandit, you have an evil twin!

http://www.obeybutterstick.com/

 
At 9:16 PM, Anonymous H said...

Gesh, the least they could've done was get a decent picture on that website, Katie.

Speaking of pictures, the 2-6-06 picture the NZ put up looks as if Bandit is chilling out in a hottub after the Superbowl (waiting on a brewski delivery lol)

H

 
At 1:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are not a butterstick, anyway, but a butterball now. I know, I know; it's still the butter word, and hey, we all know it's all muscle! And, I knew you and Paolo had a plan of action when you started climbing that tree everyday. Go Bandit!

 
At 2:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Little toad, rotten child, little monster, wild man..." You're truly rotten. They say your enclosures are a mess in the morning.

 
At 10:54 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Bandit,
Happy Valentine's Day! Hope you enjoy the heart-shaped bamboo cookies with the conversation hearts! Love, Your chef

P.S. Happy belated 7-month birthday!

 

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