Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

"Irascible" and Bandit's New Year's Eve

Well, I'll be hit with a leaf eater biscuit. It does say "irascible."

Thisisjro has some sharp eyes. I actually never looked at the subtitle on my blog, but if either of these definitions are right, that's so not me. I'm going to make my editor change it to "rascally."

Still, just because she has a naughty habit of using words she thinks she knows the meaning for, and then doesn't bother to look them up, is no reason to get in a tiff. She's a clownmunch. You knew that. I've known that pretty much ever since I hired her. It's just something you deal with when you hire people covered by the Panda Employee Union.

You know what I saw this morning? Two geckos fighting over who got to stick a homing device in Mom's ear. Now, THAT's something to get my hackles up.

Not like she goes anywhere, although come to think of it, she did disappear a few nights ago and came back smelling like she'd emptied the entire contents of her liquor cabinet into my washtub and wallowed in it for a few hours.

'Course, it couldn't be the ENTIRE cabinet, because Paolo helped me swipe a bottle of Johnny Walker--he and I planned to take turns on it all night long.

I said "planned." That stuff is NASTY. EW. I spewed it all over Paolo the first sip I took. Like, I'm badass and all, but sometimes a guy's gotta draw the line on what he does to keep up appearances. I gave it a second chance but the next time was even nastier than the first, so I told Paolo he could have it. He practically howled in delight and gave me a slobbery kiss before scurrying off somewhere. It was gross (the kiss) but he was funny and when he came back, he brought three friends: Marcel, Antonio, and this chick fox, Chiquita.

Chiquita got a kick out of hugging me and trying to make her arms disappear in my fur, and Marcel kept asking if he could meet my mom (no), if I'd ever seen my Dad (yes, thanks to Wingy and the pictures she sent me!), and if he could sit on my head (no).

So I watched them get blitzed on my mom's Johnny Walker, and maybe I had a few more sips, but not much. Like I said. NAAAASTY!


At 11:27 AM, Blogger VP of Dior said...

happy new year!!

perhaps you should make it a resolution to lay off the sauce? i mean, your organs are still developing and all....

At 3:43 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Bandit Sweetie,

Don't become a lush like your Mom. Drinking is very bad for you (and it'll ruin your adorable figure).

At 5:06 PM, Anonymous Pandaholic said...

In order for me to be a successful lobbyist for you, I need no drunk nights on record (see: Kiefer Sutherland on or no comments about eating disorders or drug use (see: Lindsay Lohan in Vanity Fair). Easy rules to follow. Also, we are going to talk about all the fancy dinners and money I have been spreading around the Hill on your behalf. I may need to teach you about plea deals...

At 6:57 PM, Blogger thisisjro said...

yay! no more irascible!

and to think i was half-drunk when i caught it...


Post a Comment

<< Home