Christmas Discovery

I've been giving my chef a hard time--not responding to a question she sent me nearly two weeks ago:

Dear Bandit,

As a Buddhist bear, are you planning to celebrate Christmas, or are you going to ignore it? I need to know so I can plan my menu for you

I remember seeing this and wondering "am I really Buddhist?" because let's face it, Mom isn't the most coherant of teachers, and I'm not even sure her particular brand of religion is recognized by anyone else in the world. She calls the Sun "Big Daddy On High" and every time she breaks a glass bottle, she has to shout "Purple People Eaters" 10 times fast. I wouldn't think that a world religion as established as Buddhism would involve that kind of behavior, but since I know next to nothing about it, I could be wrong.

My reaction to being asked if I would do Christmas this year

So I tabled the question and forgot about it. Then last night, Hobbitbuddy wrote this:

Bandit,

You need to get back to me on whether you plan to have Christmas dinner or whether you're skipping Christmas because you're Buddhist. Your Mom probably wants you to follow her religion, but Christmas is fun! You get to eat tons of food and you get presents! So, let me know.

Love, Your chef.

And I was like "Whoa, hold the PHONE. Presents?! Dude, why didn't someone tell me about this sooner?" I asked one of my zookeepers if this was true, and she kind of screamed a little and left the den as fast as she could. They're still weirded out by me talking. Very inconvenient.

So then I asked Paolo if he knew anything about it, and after enduring a long rant about how Italian girls never "put out" (whatever that means) during Christmas, he finally told me that yes it's true, and that you eat so much food that you can't even walk--he said I could probably just lay on my stomach and push myself around by my paws, which really doesn't sound so bad. I consider food one of the greatest inventions in the history of the world.

Mom tells me I take after my father.

Bring on the food Hobbitbuddy!

And as for presents and the rest of you, you know where I live.