Hell Hath No Fury Like Bandit Wronged

So...furious...can...hardly...speak...

Today's Express features a blog from some clownmunch POSING as me AND using that hated name. I hate to legitimize a blog that's so completely offensive but I need my fans to go look at it if for no other reason but to join me in my rage.

It's bstick.blogspot.com.

One of the 8,000 things that has me so mad: Express calls it my "personal blog"--uh hello. This person makes me sound like a pansy idiot and about as intelligent as the next doorknob. Like Tarzan, only way less badass. "Me Stick--huh huh--You...WAY TOO COOL TO WASTE ANY MORE TIME READING THAT MORON'S VERSION OF MY LIFE!"

I wanna go tear into some geckos or something. I gotta take my rage somewhere.

Ok, I'm back. Don't ask what I just did to the pile of straw over by my favorite climbing rock.

My editor has suggested I make a list of all the things wrong with that blog, and that maybe that will help me work through my OUT OF CONTROL FURY (yes Anonymous, the media's trying to keep me down because of that very reason):

TOP TEN REASONS WHY BSTICK.BLOGSPOT.COM SUCKS ASS:
10) The presence of that name
9) Frequent references to that name
8) Started a mere two days ago. In reality, I've been blogging for over four months
7) The idiot manner of speaking of oneself in the third-person
6) Mom is referred to as Momma (what a baby! geez) and is an obvious rip-off of Bobby Boucher's Momma in The Waterboy
5) That clownmunch subtitle "Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful"
4) Positive and SEXUAL references to Wonkette **shudder**
3) Obvious lack of photo editing talent
2) Makes me sound pitiful and sad. Tell me homies, when I'm chasing the zookeeper around, and tumbling off rocks and barking and hamming it up for reporters, do I sound lonely?

And the #1 reason why that blog sucks...

COMPLETE LACK OF FANS! My fans rule!! I meant to give you all a big shout out for coming to my defense last week when some rag posted something saying that my name is Butterstick and that I'm perpetuating fraud or some munchish nonsense like that. That was way cool of you. And don't worry. That anonymous poster will suffer mightily for daring to insult me.

Now let's go out there and make sure my REAL voice gets heard.

HOO-AH!