Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Grand Opening of Bandit's Mindblowing Emporium of Badassness

Yes that's right my peeps--my store is up and running! Click here to visit. It looks like there are discounts if you buy today too. Like I explain on the store's page, a dollar of every item purchased will go toward panda conservation. I've got everything I need so I'm not keeping any for myself--we gotta look out for my fellow pandas, even if they aren't quite as cool as me.

Today is also the last day to enter the picture caption contest currently going on in my Amazing Photo Gallery. Remember the winner of the contest gets a free t-shirt from my store--a customizable prize because I'll have my editor put whatever you want on it (so long as it has something to do with me). So keep posting!! You have until midnight tonight.

I've been enjoying the entries enormously--sometimes I go sit and read them in the corner, chuckling quiety to myself and making Mom really suspicious. She keeps asking me if I'm on drugs. Tool.

And finally...I made Express today! This is like the coolest thing that has happened to me since I first scared the snot out of my keepers by barking at them. Here's a link for those of you not fortunate enough to live near me (and therefore unable to pick up a copy of Express).

Ok now that the business is out of the way...I get to see my fans today. I'm so excited it's embarassing. I'd better see some little kids down front instead of blocked in by adults. We can be badass and still be cool about it. I hope some of you come back with stories to share. Since the clownmunch zookeepers won't let me come out and mingle with the people, this is kinda the only way I can keep it real.

Oh and get this. The zoo didn't give any reporters free passes to come see me today. They had to acquire tickets like the rest of you. I think that may be the coolest thing the zoo has ever done. The press had their own day to see me, now it's time to let the people have theirs!

Power to the panda fans!


At 10:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Bandit,
You look incredibly buff and badass on those t-shirts - and not everyone can look good on a thong. I can see that you're keeping up with the workouts. Good job! Love from your personal trainer, Lauren

At 1:01 AM, Anonymous Pandaholic said...

Bandit - just back from deep undercover work infiltrating the gecko crime ring. I think I know where their money comes from - GEICO insurance has a cleverly disguised renegade gecko front man. I think we need to request a congressional hearing to investigate and shut them down! I am also working on trying to get your citizenship. Since the US government keeps borrowing so much money from China, we are in a bad bargaining position. Working very hard for the Banditocracy...your lobbyist, Pandaholic.

At 2:10 PM, Blogger VP of Dior said...

this is a huge day for you! please don't go all sean penn on the journalists and papparazzi. just be your lovable self!

At 12:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No gift is better than some buttery goodness.

At 10:29 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Dear God Bandit,
I just saw your TV show on Animal Planet, and no wonder you have an attitude! When you were born, you literally hit the wall! I cringe when I think about it.You're Mom's aim was way off on that one!


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