Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

That Name Returns

Something you may or may not have noticed about me:

I am one contrary panda.

In the days leading up to my field day with the press, everyone was talking about how "panda toddlers are very unpredictable" and it would be difficult to make sure I was even visible to the press. So you can bet your last 1980's era Push Pop that I went out there and put on a real show for them.

If the zoo had been all like "Tai Shan will perform for you," I'd have been like "shoooo...I'm outta here" and they wouldn't have seen a bit of me.

Sweethearts, that's just the way I am.

I was on the cover of every major newspaper in the local area yesterday. Go me!!

But all the extra publicity has brought along some unwanted side effects. I know I rant about this every few days but can we please let the Butterstick name die? It's embarassing. All the other panda cubs are laughing at me. I'd go kick all their asses if they weren't thousands of miles away and I wasn't doing time here at the Zoo, but that's the way it falls.

Here, lets play a little game. This was the headline and the cover photo from yesterday's Express.

I ask these people who persist in using That Name to look at this picture and tell me:

Do I resemble a stick of soft yellowish or whitish emulsion of butterfat, water, air, and sometimes salt, churned from milk or cream and processed for use in cooking and as a food?

Didn't THINK SO.

My editor and her dictionary come in handy from time to time.

12 Comments:

At 1:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

um, considering your name is BUTTERSTICK (wtf did bandit come from)? i think contradictory not so appropo as fraud

 
At 2:14 PM, Anonymous #1 Sweetheart said...

WTF did Bandit come from WTF did you come from anonymous? How dare you challenge Bandit as to how he chooses to be recognized, and if you want to be specific his real name is Tai Shan, Bandit is his street cred' you dunce.

Bandit as always lots of love out to you and give your mother a good bite from me.

Luv,
#1 Sweetheart

 
At 3:37 PM, Blogger Larissa said...

you'll always be a Bandit in my eyes dude, rock on with your bad self!

 
At 4:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The anonymous asshole who allies himself with wonkette the wanker whore should surrender and be shot as a traitor to the throne of Bandit. His legendary and lengthy reign will long last past the laughing ass of anonymous.

 
At 4:54 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Bandit,
I agree you do not look like an ugly, fatty stick of butter (YUCK!). You look like an Oreo cookie: sweet, stuffed full of creamy goodness, and extremely delicious (in a nonedible way).

 
At 2:45 PM, Anonymous Pandaholic said...

Here is an entry from the Washington Live Chat with John Kelly on washingtonpost.com:

Panda Question: Where did Tai Shan get the money to take a taxi from the zoo to the Botanic Garden and then back to the zoo?

John Kelly: Every other night he slips out of his enclosure, pads over to the rhino den and sandpapers off some of the rhino's horn, collecting it in the bottom of a Coke can. You know how much people are willing to pay for powdered rhino horn? Let's just say Tai Shan could drive around in a blue Lamborghini if he wanted to. But since his feet can't reach the pedals, he takes cabs everywhere.
***
What's the deal? I am inclined to think this isn't true since we all know you would roar around town on a chopper if you could get out.

 
At 6:18 PM, Anonymous H said...

Funny you should mention Sean Ó Ceallaigh from the Washington Post, he reminds me so much of Bandit.

 
At 8:54 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Dear Bandit,
As a Buddhist bear, are you planning to celebrate Christmas, or are you going to ignore it? I need to know so I can plan my menu for you.

 
At 9:52 AM, Anonymous H said...

Two firsts for Bandit this morning, that I've seen at least. He climbed up on Mei's platform only jumping down when he heard the door opening and Mei returning. He's been wanting to do that forever. The other is he did his first summersault!

 
At 9:52 AM, Anonymous H said...

Two firsts for Bandit this morning, that I've seen at least. He climbed up on Mei's platform only jumping down when he heard the door opening and Mei returning. He's been wanting to do that forever. The other is he did his first summersault!

 
At 9:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bandit, how is it that another person claiming to be you is getting more press attention (going by the stupid name of butterstick)? Is the media trying to keep you down because you are OUT OF CONTROL?

 
At 7:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You and your creamy cuteness shall always be BUTTERSTICK to me.

 

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