Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Your Momma Jokes

Question & Answer with Bandit:

Question:
Do you get mad if the other zoo animals tell "your mom" jokes? (ie- your mama's so fat, she squeezed out a butterstick instead of a baby.) I mean, I know you don't like her, but does it offend you when other people rip on her?


Answer:
Do I get offended by "your momma" jokes? Duh, I'm pretty sure I INVENTED them. Monkeys--unoriginal copycats--are the most avid "your momma" jokesters. I have to admit they're wicked funny. Sometimes the lemurs like to come by just to tell me the new jokes they've made up. I laugh my ass off.

And then I rip their heads off.

I don't get so many jokes anymore though, which is a pity because Mom's so perfect for them. For instance, she's so stupid, that when she sees the door to our hovel open, she oohs and ahhs like she's watching fireworks. Really. That's not a "your momma" joke, that's the sad, honest truth. But it's why the monkeys have so much fun with her.

So no. I really don't mind when other people crack those jokes about her. And they don't mind when I gouge their hearts out with the blunt side of my paw.

Well, they never say anything.

2 Comments:

At 2:33 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Dear Sweet Bandit,
You rock!I enjoy reading your blog. I was interested to know if you've ever met Samuel L. Jackson or watched any of his films because you definitely have the same "take no prisoners" 'tude. Keep the faith little bro.

 
At 10:41 AM, Anonymous H said...

Hey Bandit, I'm a faithful panda watcher. I'm curious to know why you keep walking into walls. Also wondering, do you have a favorite minion among the staff?

 

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