Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Pushy Mom

The woman is driving me nuts. Mom, not the doctor. She's basically beating me. It's way uncool. Won't let me leave the den, gets pissed off when I try to walk--

Oh hey, I'm getting my teeth! Almost forgot to tell you. Look over
there --->

Anyway, yeah when I try to practice walking, Mom's like "Where do you think you're going, young man? Walking only leads to exploring, and exploring leads to all kinds of deviant experimentation. You'll wind up hairless, diseased, and full of holes if you so much as LIFT your paw, do you hear me?"


Aiight, since Mom's still trying to push me around and won't let me LEAVE, I'll respond to my fan's questions:

What's going on? According to the Washington Post, "The public debut of the National Zoo's giant panda cub will be delayed until at least December because he is not venturing out of his hidden den and his mother does not appear willing to let him do so, animal park officials said yesterday." What's the real story? Is your mother really bossing you around?

Oh hey look at that, this person read my mind today. My answer is: YES. I think she got pissed about what I wrote yesterday about owning this place (which I do, don't get me wrong, this is just a temporary hiccup in my glorious revolution) and she's decided to hold a little counter-attack of her own. Don't worry though, you may have to wait till Christmas comes to see me, but I promise it will happen. I have teeth now remember? We'll see how she likes a ridiculously cute BITE in her ear.

It's really all out war here in the Panda House.

That broad is goin' down.


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