Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Question and Random Stuff

Looks like I have a bit of a backlog on my hands. My fan "H" (dude, we're all friends here, you can give me more of a moniker than a letter if you feel like it) has been waiting for a number of days for a response to his (or her) question, so I'll address that first:

Hey Bandit, I'm a faithful panda watcher. I'm curious to know why you keep walking into walls. Also wondering, do you have a favorite minion among the staff?

It does look like I'm walking into walls, doesn't it. I'm sure you'll all be relieved to know that's not really the case. I'm banging my head against the walls in frustration. We all know her name, it rhymes with IDIOT MOTHER. Ok so maybe it doesn't.

I'll draw your attention to the most recent film of me released by the Zoo (see the link under "Bandit in Film" Oct. 21st). See me at the end? See how happy I am to be viewing some fans, even if they are only the press? Now see how Mom comes lumbering up and steals my show, then tries to pick me up with her mouth. See how it doesn't work because I'm HUGE. So yeah, I'm hitting my head on walls to drive the higher thought processes from my brain--I mean really. Around her, what do I need my highly developed intelligence for?

Side note--I have a really badass bark don't I? Oh and that shot didn't hurt. I just wanted to make sure my clownmunch doctors knew it wasn't cool either.

As for the second part of your question, H, we all know who my least favorite staff member is. But of the others, right now, I have to give a shout out to my publicist. She's been hooking me up with some big contacts right now, and maybe has even been responsible for leading you to me.

You know what though, I could use some more staff members. It's kind of a chick fest around here, not that I'm complaining but it would rule to get some guys on board. Anyone who's interested, just click on the green link below my staff listings and tell me what you want to do and why you're qualified. I'm the best boss in the world. Hey ask my editor. I've resisted caning her five times now, isn't that big of me?

I'll leave you all with this bit of advice from Hobbitbuddy. He/She meant it for me, but I think it's the kind of advice we could all benefit from.

Bandit,
If you ever have lunch at the zoo with Samuel L., be sure to order a "Gekko Royale with cheese".You'll impress him with your monumental "badittude" and street cred. Then take him by the monkey house to show off your amazing jaw power by decapitating a few lemurs for his enjoyment. Just make sure your Mom doesn't find out! By the way, I saw her hanging in a tree the other day, drunk. You poor adorable little guy.

Confucious has nothing on this guy.

10 Comments:

At 9:13 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Hey Bandit,
I am definitely a "she". And I wuv the stuffing out of you!

 
At 9:46 PM, Anonymous H said...

If Bond can have Q, then Bandit can have H.

And you should be kinder to your poor dear sainted Mother! Sure, didn't she bring you in to this world could she not take you out?

Wouldn't want to see that since you're such delicious little eye candy.

Thanks for the laughs, I had to grip the wall on this one I was laughing so hard.

Yours,
H

 
At 9:49 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Me again Bandit,
You were lamenting the lack of "hot panda babes" in an earlier post. Well, check out the San Diego Zoo website to see a panda babe who'll knock your little black eyes out! And, best of all, she's just your age! Check out those "Playpanda" poses and that sexy "come hither" look. She's the panda equivalent of Pam Anderson, and she's only 11 weeks old!

 
At 12:06 PM, Anonymous H said...

Hobbitbuddy,

I've seen at that San Diego panda and ...quite frankly, I'm not too impressed. I mean once you've gazed upon Bandit can any other panda come close on the cuteness scale? Besides, can you see Mei letting him date?

Did you see this morning how quickly Bandit bolted for the den? I can't believe how good he's getting at walking. And I absolutely love it when he lays on his back with those paws dangling in the air, twitching away. I often wonder what he's dreaming about.

I can't BELIEVE how much Panda's sleep! I'm almost jealous lol

H.

 
At 8:14 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Dear H,
They took the really "hot" pictures with "Baby Girl Panda" off the slideshow. She is sweet, but you're right, Bandit is the most excruciatingly painfully cute panda ever born. BANDIT RULES!

 
At 7:40 AM, Anonymous H said...

>>>excruciatingly painfully cute panda ever born>>

LOL! Great description. I know, he sure is panda perfect, the cutest panda ever. Maybe I'm prejudiced, an east coast type of thing. But I don't think sooooo.

For all the things that Washington offers, I can't BELIEVE its a Panda that makes me want to go there. Well, I guess its not just ANY panda.

H

 
At 8:33 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

We all know where the REAL power in Washington lies, and it's NOT at the White House! I'll bet the day our Bandit goes out to meet his public for the first time there will literally be hundreds of people trying to push their way in to the viewing area to worship at the altar of his overwhelming adorableness. God help Dubya if he schedules a news conference that day; no one from the press will show up! They'll all be at Asia Trail broadcasting our boy.

 
At 6:23 PM, Anonymous H said...

>>>worship at the altar of his overwhelming adorableness>>

ROFL! Love that line. Did you get a view of the new pictures on Animal Planet? AND the new video. I cannot believe how big he is now. What a hunk!

 
At 8:38 PM, Blogger hobbitbuddy said...

Bandit,
Ol' Sammy L' must be proud of you for unleashing a major can of whup ass on your clownmunch doctors!That's the LAST time they'll try shoving things where they don't belong! You rock and rule! Luv ya!

 
At 1:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn Bandit - What are you traini for the Olympics? Saw you on CNN.Com totally running the show with the cameras and running around like a full-fledge Champ! Your crew at the National Zoo better watch out and your Mom she just doesn't get it, I can't believe they said she has started dropping you at the smell of fresh bamboo, obviously you don't mind because it gets you out of bath time but damn that's just plain rude.
Hang in there Big Bad Dude your public will be there soon enough!!

Luv,
#1 Sweetheart

 

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