Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

It's Not That I'm Lazy...

To the Anonymous fan who said I need to get off my lazy butt to post...I must remind you, the fault is not with my lazy butt (I'm a bear, we trademarked laziness before humans learned to tell their ass from a hole in the ground) but with my editor. Get this:

She took a vacation.

Yeah. Stop rubbing your thumb on your screen trying to get rid of the smudge clearly at fault for such a ludicrous statement. That's the honest to Chinese-Sun-God truth. Apparently the Panda Employee Union insists I give them at least three weeks' vacation. When I get my claws on the pinko clownmunches who run that fiasco of a union...well, it'll be the ugliest thing since Boy George's stint as a Victoria's Secret model.

The woman does nothing but once a day (if that) post my musings on an online blog. Her entire DAY is a vacation.

You wanna know where she went? The beach. With her boyfriend. You wanna know where I was?


Oh, ha, that reminds me. Anyone read the lastest postings on the Zoo's website? I'm getting to her. That's right baby, Bandit is asserting his authority. I'm takin' over. Showin' her who's boss.

It's a new day here at the National Zoo, and this town belongs to me--whether my name is Ling Chu Pa Wong or Bandit.

Just not Butterstick.


At 2:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's going on? According to the Washington Post, "The public debut of the National Zoo's giant panda cub will be delayed until at least December because he is not venturing out of his hidden den and his mother does not appear willing to let him do so, animal park officials said yesterday." What's the real story? Is your mother really bossing you around?


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