Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Sunday, October 02, 2005


So this morning, Mom woke me up and started honking about how I needed to clean my room. I'm like "What? This is your room too, biznatch." And then she was like "You're going to start walking soon and making messes then you'll have to clean it all the time so you need to practice."

Whatever. I'm calling the ACLU. This is a violation of my rights as a famous panda cub.

I don't know why I'm still in here with her. I want to get out. I want to meet Dad. I want to start scouting the perimeter to find an escape route. That would rock. I'd be all over the news...

[smarmy reporter voice] Welcome to this emergency broadcast. Tonight, the famous and handsome panda cub at the National Zoo has escaped. His whereabouts are unknown, but we should be able to find him because he's so freakin' huge. He's like the biggest panda ever. He was last seen ambling towards Adams Morgan, and everyone there is really scared because even though they were fans of his blog, they never posted any comments on it, and this cub is so enormous he's scary. But cute at the same time. Anyone who has any information on this breaking news story, please call us because we wanna see him too! And maybe buy him an appletini.

Yeah I'll bet that's what they would say.

Bandit Shot:

If you saw this face on the street, you'd buy it a new Xbox 360.

Yeah, I knew it.


At 10:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bandit, get off your lazy butt and post another blog.


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