News and the Panda

My editor is a slacking clownmunch and I don't know why my lawyer won't let me fire her. Something about the Panda Employee Union. Humans are so weird.

That being said, I've been in the news a lot recently.

My naming is imminent (is that spelled right? eh whatever, like I know or care.) and I guess I'm resigned to it sucking. (see http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/28/AR2005092802192.html for some stupid updates on the whole stupid fiasco). If they have to call me by one of those the people vote on, maybe I could insist that they call me by the translated meaning, like Dragon Mountain. That would be kind of cool. Then my whole name would be Dragon "Bandit" Mountain. I could deal with that.

I'm so huge they can hardly fit me in this old plastic container they used to use. I told Egon that next time, he's going to have to use the elephant scales. They'll have to use a crane to hoist me up there because I'm going to be the bigges--well, you know.

Mom can hardly pick me up anymore (sweet!) so it's only a matter of time.

Oh and I decided it was probably time to start walking. Once I'm 100% mo-bahle, I'm going to be such a troublemaker, the zoo is going to have to call the FBI on me.

So I did a little walking this morning. I always say it's smart to practice a bit before becoming a living terror.

For an example of what happens when columnists begin to think too highly of their own cleverness, click here:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/21/AR2005092101902_2.html

I read this shaking my head. "Me want panda blog guy to get a raise," my fuzzy round adorable ass.

Tell me, which would you rather read: some stranger's self-conscious dreck? Or go straight to the source.

That's what I thought.