Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

The Renegade Geckos

I'm going to kill me some gecko.

You know how I mentioned the renegade geckos in an earlier posting? They're getting out of control. It's a real problem here at the Zoo. They roll in here with their gats and their brass knuckles and they start beating on the residents. I heard about a red lion monkey who got his knee cap busted on Tuesday by some gecko wearing black leather.

The Zoo has been in hot water recently--people are saying it doesn't take care of its animals well but I'm telling you the geckos are the ones to blame.

Kisangali the Lion - The geckos had been crapping in her food for weeks.
Emma the Emu - She was the biggest anti-gecko voice here, and they saw she didn't make it through a routine blood exam
Leomo the Lemur - That monkey'd been smoking Luckys for years. No, not gecko-related, but I thought I'd share it because Leomo was the biggest badass WANNABE at the Zoo and now he's dead. Tool.
Hipalore the Orangutan (see the dumb-ass names the Zoo gives us?) - The geckos knifed him one night at an ill-fated "Go Fish" tournament.

And the Zoo is doing nothing! Nooo, the geckos are harmless they say. Read for yourself:

That little girl was lucky. The gecko probably decided to spare her since she'd saved him from the cold, because this picture (which has NOT been edited in any way) began circulating recently.

They have to be stopped.

And I'm just the panda to do it.

Right as soon as I start walking.


Post a Comment

<< Home