Why I'm So Smart

So I was just squirming in the straw a few minutes ago (I don't really "sit") and it occured to me. You might think it's weird that I'm so well-developed mentally, when on the outside I'm about as functional as a 34 year old crack addict at 7 o'clock on a Monday morning.

I'm not sure how it happened either. Mom keeps telling me Dad's a brainiac--she says I never see him because he does top secret work for the Chinese government, and you know it must be true because I had to get my intelligence somewhere and it sure as heck was NOT from Mom.

Oh dude, you've GOT to hear this story. So yesterday I was honking at Mom (I don't remember why) and she's all like "Mind your manners!" And I was all like "Make me!" And she was all like "I didn't go through an hour and a half of labor just so you can back talk me, young man!" And I was like "Go eat some bamboo, Woman and bring me my dinner!" She honked and then she did.

It was cool.