Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

My Editor and that Tool at the Zoo

Let me be the first to say that this is inhumane. The lack of response, the finger pointing, the desperation so clearly evident in so many faces. I'm fired up and I gotta do somethin' 'BOUT it.

I refer of course to my editor and her five day disappearance, leaving so many of my fans without news of myself for days. I had all this stuff to share and now I can't remember it all (which SUCKS, especially for you because now you're missin' out). She has been issued a warning. Five day lapses are inexcusable, and there will be consequences if it happens again.

On other news, I heard some of my servants talking about some chick named Katrina and that we should send money and supplies to help her victims. I don't know what she did, but my servants are SCIENTISTS (as I may have mentioned before) and scientists don't exaggerate, so the victims must need it.

So, uh, give stuff. I'm sending pictures of myself. Which is cool, because it's me, but you're probably better off sending money.

Onto something else I remember from the VAST VACUUM THAT WAS MY EDITOR'S SO-CALLED "VACATION." The Zoo is getting out of hand. Whoever is writing my diary info is doing too much editorializing for my taste. She (and it is quite patently obvious, that this person is a she--and no I'm not that big a clownmunch that I use the word "patently" in everyday conversation. That's MY editor taking too much liberty with my blog. Dork.) On my 8 week birthday, this she-writer described me as making "little panda 'angels' in the hay."


I was making little panda GRIM REAPERS.

A guy would totally know the difference.


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