Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Mom's Night Out

Let's start off with a gratuitous Bandit Pic!



So today, if anyone watched me on PandaCam (who am I kidding, I know you ALL did) you probably saw Mom sprawled over her platform, hanging her head over the side.

Well.

Have I got a story for you.

Last night, Mom went out with Dad for a night on the town. That usually involves heading over to the Monkey House (not to be confused with apes, who are total straight-edgers) for cheap booze and beer pong. Now, as we all know, Mom is about as bright as a female mallard duck sitting on her eggs, and--I swear I am not making this up--she thinks that daquiris are non-alcoholic.

I'm, like, dead certain Dad is the farthest thing from innocent on that one.

So she starts suckin down the daquiris and then a bunch of ring-tailed lemurs called her a drunk old sow and so Dad took them all on while Mom honked drunkenly from one of the trees.

I'm assuming Dad won. I mean come ON. Sure he's a deadbeat, but he's still my pop, and look how badass I am. He could take a whole barrel full of lemurs on any day any hour any place.

After that, I don't know the details, but I do know that when I woke up this morning, Mom was yacking all over the straw off the side of her platform. It was super gross, but at least she didn't try to bathe me today with that mouth.

To all you kids out there who think life with your folks is a trial, I've got news for you.

Panda parents suck.

1 Comments:

At 11:11 AM, Anonymous Cramz said...

Bandit- You are hilariously badass! CNN says the zoo is gonna start "displaying" you for real in November...Any thoughts? http://www.cnn.com/2005/TECH/science/09/22/washington.panda.ap/index.html

 

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