Inner Monologue of Bandit the Panda

Bandit, the rascally baby panda born to Mei Xiang and Tian Tian at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, gives interested readers the inside track on his world.

Friday, August 26, 2005

The Name

As you've probably figured out by now, I have a name. It's a cool name. It makes me sound badass. While I'm a little too small, helpless, and blind to be badass right now, I plan on being the most badass panda in Washington someday. My name's also American (bonus!).

Which is why I was not amused when I heard some old white men decided to *give* me a name by giving the public five choices and then telling them to vote on it. Eeeesh. Look, voting never did anyone any good in this town. Why are they going to leave MY IDENTITY up to the unwashed masses?

Oh and to make matters worse, I can't even pronouce their selections. What self-respecting kid wants to be called Hua Sheng. Hua Sheng? Maybe in CHINA it's cool, but over here, all the other boys will laugh at me. Not that I care, I could kick all their asses. But you know, the effort would be annoying.

Butterstick is not my name. Who ever came up with that? Do they want me to get a swirly on my first day at Zoo School?

I know you, my fan, would not condone such an idiot moniker.

Vote Bandit.

Because naming me anything other than my name would screw up my already fragile self-identity.

And it's badass.

1 Comments:

At 3:32 PM, Anonymous Monica said...

Oh Bandit, I've always had a thing for badasses. And your name...Bandit...mmmm...you have badass written all over you, sexy thing. I definitely vote Bandit. And honey, I'm single, you only have to ask. ;-*

 

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